True Calling

The ability to make people laugh has always been a calling for me. Who knows, I probably would have made it big by now if I would've started earlier on in life. They say that the funniest stuff comes from life. I totally agree. Of course, it helps to have a warped sense of humor as well. With me, I really don't know where some of the stuff really comes from. My dad's side of the family was always quick witted. I am only guess that it derived there. I just think about funny things constantly.

Does a reptile know when it loses it's tail? Does he go home after spending a long night with the guys to his little lizard den, steps halfway into the door, and says, "Honey, I lost my ass tonight!?" She promptly responds, "I bet you did. I told you not play poker with the snakes!" By this time he steps into the door, turns around and says pointing to his backside, "No, seriously!" She's like, "Crap! Not again!"

See that's funny.

I think we need more big people in commercials. For example, that old Taco Bell commercial when they come out and yell, "I'm full!" I would have eaten a lot more Taco Bell if a fat guy was in that commercial. (Seriously) If I would seen a big guy, about two hundred pounds, step out and yell, "I'M FULL!" I'd be like, "I'm going to Taco Bell! If they filled that guy up. We gotta go right now."

In Texas, we get salamanders and geckos around the house all the time. A friend text messaged me once and said that she was afraid to go into the laundry room because there was a gecko in there. I asked her if she could catch it for me. She said that she wasn't going near it because she was scared the death of them. I told her that if she could catch it she could save at least 15% or more on her car insurance. I had a good laugh anyway.

I have always liked meatier, healthier girls. Seeing a skinny girl wasn't  attractive to me. I asked a good buddy why he thought I was attracted to only them. He said that it's all a part of attraction. So I asked him and I quote, "So, you think I'm Bounty?" He replies, "What?" I say, "You know? The quicker, thicker, picker upper?" I thought he was going to die of laughter.

Okay, okay. One more before I close. My friend had this girlfriend that became a lesbian. She always came home drunk saying that she just got messed up with gin and brandy. Yeah, come to find out that gin was short for Jennifer and brandy was spelled with an "I". That conversation went from alcohol to lesbianism in about 5.2 seconds.

Thank you! You've been a wonderful crowd. Thanks for playing.